Week 1 - The Power of a Determined Soul

There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent or hinder or control
The firm resolve of a determined soul.

~ Ella Wheeler Wilcox, author and poet

I first read that quote awhile ago, when I was reading a book on time and life management. I think I was 17 at the time. Despite being very intelligent, I was also scatterbrained and quite disorganized. Also, I had trouble following through on things. I had it in my mind that if I could just find the one answer, the magic bullet that would help me be better, then my life would improve drastically.

Well it's been 11 years, and I have since discovered that no such magic bullet exists (though I applaud my younger self's efforts). I was up against a lot of factors that I was mostly unaware of at the time, including clinical depression, lack of life direction, and the severe self doubt that comes with growing up in a dysfunctional family. None of these things were my fault, but I did have to do the work to overcome them. In fact, I still am doing that work.

Two years ago, I had just left an abusive marriage, and I was a nervous mess who couldn't stand loud noises or even go outside. I was wound up so tight, and my depression had gone mostly unchecked. I could barely function from day to day, must less pursue my dream of returning to Ghana to reunite with my daughter, who was living there with her dad. I had wanted her to stay with her dad's family to get to know her dad's culture, and I honestly felt I was in no condition to take care of her the way she needed to be taken care of.

The last two years have been lots of trial and error. Lots of therapy, lots of self help books, lots of advice, support, and love from family and friends. Lots of pints of ice cream, lots of tears, and even lots of empty wine bottles. But at the same time, there have been lots of aha moments, lots of healing, lots of growing, and lots of forgiveness, of myself and of others.

Oh, and I am a freelance writer. When I first started, I could barely make $100 in a month due to my illness and lack of knowledge of the industry. Now I have clients that pay me much better, and I can make $300 to $500 dollars a week, depending on how much work I have that week. I also have a part time job as a caretaker. I still struggle with depression, but it doesn't keep me from working now. I'm realizing my dream of being a self sufficient adult, and of returning to Ghana to start a new life and be reunited with my daughter. It's a life I have been dreaming of for years.

So for the next ten weeks, I will document all of my income on this blog, along with any insights or struggles or other relevant tidbits. Thanks for joining me on my journey. It really has been a long time coming, and the next ten weeks will be a real time of growth for me.